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I want to switch off
I want it to stop
Every thought, feeling and emotion until I am a void.
 
I want to sleep
I want to go blank
No dreams or speech, no tears or recriminations.
 
I don’t want to see
Can’t bear to witness
Someone I love feeling pain and suffering.
 
I don’t want to hear
Cover my ears
To quite sobs of worry and apprehension.
 
I don’t want to leave
Must be brave 
I am the backbone, the strength they rely on.
 
I want to hold her
reassure her
It’s going to be okay, Mummy’s with you.  
 

 This piece was written in response to the phrase “Take a leap of faith”, unfortunately my baby girl is having an operation tomorrow, nothing major but still a general anesthetic, I can’t think of much else at the moment.  The leap of faith is my trusting the doctors to get it right when I hand her over to them, because she trusts me implicitly when I say that sadly we must do this. My heart is in my throat tonight, fingers crossed, touch wood, God willing, I can write something more cheerful soon. 
 
 Please click the picture to find all the other participants of the #100WCGU at Julia’s place.
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